Vivid Hallucinations, Difficult Conversations and Food Glorious Food.
Being in intensive care is not what you might call a fun experience. High emotion and worry oozes from the walls and you can see the stress on the face of every nurse, doctor and family member who walks through the heavy white doors.
Following previous procedures I had been quickly moved from the ICU, leaving me not much time to look around the ward.
Moving Time
The first room that I occupied following my procedure was the furthest from the normal entrance/exit to the intensive care unit, adjacent to the door that lead to the surgical theatres.
In the couple of days I spent in that room after being raised to full consciousness I became painfully aware of the absence of a TV. This was because, to quote one of my nurses, “People in this ward tend not to have much use for one of those devices”.
No argument for that then and soon enough I was moved further up the ward. This room was also bereft of a TV but fortunately, now that many of the machines I had been hooked up to were no longer needed, there were some free outlets for me to plug in my laptop.
This at least meant that my parents could go out and buy some movies for me to watch, such as the previously mentioned outstanding choice of The Amazing Spider-Man.
A friend who came by to visit one time even brought me a hard drive full of completely legally acquired films to help fill the time between checks, dialysis and sleep.
Pink Rabbits Dancing On The Ceiling
Moving up the ward wasn’t just a metaphorical sign of my condition improving, it was a physical shift towards leaving the ICU. Knowing that I was literally heading in the right direction did a lot to help keep my mind from wandering down pathways that lead to rather unpleasant places.
One day, whilst perched on my bed thinking about all the money I was going to save on leg wax, the door into my room swished open and a tall man with a charming smile and a very calming voice entered and introduced himself.
“Hello David, I`m Dr Psychologist.”
Obviously that wasn’t actually his name but I’ve decided to avoid using the names of any medical staff who were involved in my recovery, though that may become challenging later on when I introduce some new characters.
This wasn’t actually the first time he had visited me, in fact he had been to see me several times while I was in a coma and had already spoken with my family as to any help that they themselves might need.
I wasn’t the only person going through all of this.
We spoke of many things during that first visit, a kind of get to know each other session, to figure out how I felt about letting him help me.
He told me straight that at some point during the next week or so I would be hit with the first “Oh god what has happened to me” moment and when that happened he would be there, I just had to ask for him.
The final thing he asked during that first meeting was if I was having any hallucinations. Some of the medication I was being given was very powerful and it was a possible side effect.
I told him that earlier that day I had seen a group of pink rabbits dancing around on the ceiling. I was worried he would think I was being stupid but he didn’t seem at all phased. In fact he said that it was possible that these hallucinations could be influenced by exterior suggestion.
Then, just before he left the room he turned to me, winked and said, “Think of Kylie Minogue and see what happens”.
Plenty To Chew On
Another significant thing that came about not long after moving to my new room was food or rather, my inability to consume any. It still amuses me to think of this because it’s absolutely not something I imagine most people would consider when coming round from a coma.
I hadn’t physically eaten anything in over seven days by this point, I was still being fed through a tube even after waking up.
I don’t remember what exactly was first on my menu, only that it was very light and soft and even then it was difficult to get back into the swing of masticating.
The next step was to remove the feeding tube, something I was desperate for them to carry out, as whenever they fed me it made me sick. The nurses were reluctant to remove it just like that and even suggested my problem was psychosomatic.
That evening, without my knowledge and to try to prove their point, one of the nurses activated the feeding tube.
I however, proved my point by projectile vomiting all over my fresh new bedding.
So that was that, decision made, as I had proved I could now swallow successfully the nurses were happy to remove the feeder.
Being able to eat by myself was also a big deal in the eyes of the people looking after me and along with the fact that my recovery was moving along nicely it was all enough for them to decide my time in the ICU was at an end.
Next stop, The Pod…
Birthdays, Storms and Other Excuses
It was my birthday three days ago (woohoo). I turned twenty five and as someone who is now one quarter of the way to one hundred my family decided it was time to start presenting me with more mature gifts.
A wallet, Lego Taj Mahal and Titanic building sets, some T-shirts (one of which has “Bipa is my world” bleached across the chest), the entire collection of Horrible Histories books and a beautiful painting on a slate tile of Bipa and me on our wedding day,
Due to the fact that I was busy celebrating I though it would be okay to take a break from my blog and publish it one day late.
That plan was completely fine until the next morning when I woke up without any internet connection. There had been a large thunder storm during the night which I’m guessing may have been a factor as to why I am only now, three days later, able to connect my laptop to the WiFi.
There actually are no other excuses but I quite liked the way that header read when I wrote it.
Oh dear, a misleading title on the internet?
Hope I`m not setting a precedent here.
Quicker To Write
I’ve been testing the waters by writing some shorter pieces, such as the one about British Heart Foundation events I published a few days ago.
I enjoyed that one and am currently working on another short post which may turn into a recurring series.
This means that on the weeks where I can’t quite manage to finish a full post I will hopefully be able to publish a shorter one to tide you over.
It also means that some weeks I might just put out two posts.
Thank you for reading, I hope you have enjoyed this post and are finding what I have to say interesting. If you have any feedback, drop it in the comments below.
The Wisdom
- You can’t always tell what kind of help you need.
I hadn’t even considered the fact that I might want to speak to a psychologist before one came into my room. I had so many other things to think about that if it had been left to me to ask for help it probably would have taken years. - When someone has recently had a birthday, it’s good manners to share their blog.
Just sayin’…
Obligatory Blog Quote
It’s actually quite hard to find an appropriate quote for every blog post so I’ve just decided to be silly with it.
Me (to my Mum)
Follow me,
Another great post. Again you are truly amazing. Look forward to reading more in future. Best regards; Alex
Thank you very much. Again your kind comments have been so uplifting and I’m very happy that your are keeping up with and continuing to enjoy the blog.
Best regards to you as well.
I’m glad you were able to talk to someone, I wish I had been able to speak to a psychologist when I was able to talk again, the nightmares I had were horrific. I have PTSD from being in ICU and I still have so much to process and even 3 years on, I’m finding it very difficult.
It was incredibly helpful to have that help on offer right at the beginning. Not just for me but also my family were given the opportunity to speak with a psychologist.
Unfortunately all these years on it has become a bit more difficult to get this kind of help again but I am very grateful for what I was given back then. I imagine it has helped me in ways I don’t even know.
I’m really sorry you weren’t able to get that kind of help and are still feeling the effects. I think people don’t understand just how long lasting these things can be. I went for years not really having problems with my amputation and then it suddenly hit me out of nowhere.
I hope that you manage to get the help you are looking for, though I understand it is difficult. Until then hopefully you can find some comfort in the community of people you have become a part of through your writing.